Visit here for the unabridged version of my first impressions of "Lucky Star."

After enjoying "Azumanga Daioh," the character driven slice of life high school comedy series where viewers see the characters mature and develop throughout the series despite having a "Seinfeld" plot about nothing, I picked up a copy of "Lucky Star." My friends and most anime fans describe it as a character driven slice of life high school comedy series with a "Seinfeld" plot about nothing. There's nothing wrong with sticking to something you like. Then a couple of warning lights began to flash.

I guess the first warning light flashed when I saw the opening sequence. I will admit the opening theme music and accompanying dance is catchy... suspiciously catchy. The cynic in me gets the impression that "Lucky Star" intentionally made the opening that overly catchy to overshadow the lack of content of the show. The first thing most "Lucky Star" cosplayers and fans show or tell me about the show is the opening theme and accompanying dance. Any attempts to delve deeper into the content of the series is met with a quick change of subject.

The second warning light flashed when I saw the number of cheerleaders during the opening sequence. As an average heterosexual male, I'm all for watching cute cheerleaders, but I usually watch them at a football game so I feel less like a pervert. Then the anime viewer in me kicked in and realized that given the number of cheerleaders, this meant more characters to introduce and keep track of during the series and required a flowchart to find out who was involved with whom. Aside from the primary four characters, most of the ancillary characters will probably get the short stick in terms of character development and will be one-dimensional extras better played by a colorful drawing.

WARNING: Too many characters onscreen. Turn back! Turn back!

The four main characters who do get developed are templates of marketable anime archetypes. I'm not sure when anime producers decided to make most anime females carbon copies of the same set of cute anime archetypes. There are even Japanese terms for each archetype. But in the interest of not overloading my spell checker, I won't list them here. Konata is the lead character and default ambassador of the series to anime fans. Despite her athletic skills and intelligence, Konata is still an overly cute representation of the die hard anime fan complete with slacker tendencies. The Hiragi twins consist of the smart yet occasionally shy Kagami and the airhead yet good-natured Tsukasa. Both are overly cute. Rounding out the four is the glasses wearing Miyuki. Not only is she overly polite, she is also overly cute.

So which character am I supposed to relate to? The answer: none of them.

The first episode shows off the characters in the "Seinfeld" setting that worked for "Azumanga Daioh" where nothing happens and the audience sees the four characters interact. Within seven minutes the characters cutely discuss how they eat desserts, eggs, and various grilled meat. Then during the rest of the episode they cutely skirt the issue of adult games and kidnapping, cutely discuss each other's characteristics, cutely differentiate a cold from the flu, cutely reflect on their physical examinations, and cutely talk about the social aspects of MMORPGs or lack thereof. The crowbarring of the cute motif is as subtle as a bull in a china shop carrying a sign that reads "I am crowbarring the cute motif."

My favorite part of the show arrives after the main episode: Lucky Channel. As a side story of the show, the Lucky Channel hosts Akira and Minoru pop in to answer questions about the anime. But in truth, Beelzebub is torturing these two in some form of hell by locking them in a room where they can freely get cynical, mean-spirited, abusive, and violent towards each other while a viewing audience laughs at their misery. Despite being locked in this fictionalized hell, these two form a chemistry more believable than the four main characters. If it were possible, I'd buy a DVD consisting of only the Lucky Channel bits.

Nothing shows off Jean-Paul Sartre's famous quote, "L'enfer, c'est les autres (Hell is other people)" better than Lucky Channel.

"Lucky Star" is like an animal-shaped balloon: Both look cute, but once you cut into it, you realize both are full of nothing but air. I do give credit for the show being able to fill itself full of anime fan references and making it familiar with the anime fans. But like "Family Guy," I feel that throwing pop culture and anime subculture references is just lazy writing. I already get most of the anime fan references from being an anime fan and attending a convention, why do I need them hammered back at me?

I have a system for most anime and TV watching: The first episode has to interest me into watching the next episode. The first episode of "Lucky Star" simply did not interest me into watching the second episode. I may catch some flak for not liking a series liked by most of the anime fans. But I come from an older breed of anime. I remember when an anime series did not have to be marketable. I remember when an anime series could develop characters I could relate to even though I could not change into some black pig when splashed with cold water. I remember when anime could bring up philosophical topics like reality and identity amid the worldwide plague known as the Internet. I remember when anime did not have to be cute and could feature a guy who turned into a gelatinous blob that inadvertently crushed his girlfriend into red goo (though on reflection, I'd rather forget about that one).